Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
