Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
