In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize