i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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