Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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