remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
