hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
