before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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