did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
