she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize