I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
