I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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