Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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