so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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