I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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