Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
