his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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