well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
