try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
