Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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