idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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