Operation Purity has been aborted
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
