I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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