Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
