i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
