I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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