Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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