hotel room ftw
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
