I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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