Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
