I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sarcasm needs its own font
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
