When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
