I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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