Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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