My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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