Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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