Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
