Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
