You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize