I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
