does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize