I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
