This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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