Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
