I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
