it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
