Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
