Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize