i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
