just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
