Porn is love you can see.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
