Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
