took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
