He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
