is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
