I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic