He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.