I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck