I faked an abortion last night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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