Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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